Bucur(ca)esti

Journey

First stop : Bucharest

Incoming : Lisbon 

Overview: 

After two days in the city , I had a mental breakdown. Too crowded for my taste.Everybody's in a rush.Can't find my place.

First trip with the subway : I thought somebody was literally gonna step on my head. Keep calm, do not panic. 

One week around:

Started figuring the city. Got to know the team and meet new peeps. Met random awesome people. Went to lovely bistros.If in Bucharest ,one night you must go to Eden.Had the best coffee in a while (thanks,Origo!) I think I'm starting to like this. Visited alot of places around town, and dang this is diverse. What to do, what to do ? Oh look ! There are so many possibilities.

Two weeks around:

Really bonded with my folks! The kind of bonds that you know will last. You can't explain, but you know it is like that. Succeded in finding homies that resemble my mentality. And also learned few thingies from people that are not like me. I learned to appreciate also time for myself much better than before, enjoying myself at the pool, enjoying a nice view, exploring this at-a-glance frightening, but after you start to click with the city, you'll actually figure you might just enjoy it. 

Third week around (last one)

Woke up in the morning with a random thought:

I would like to live here.

This is not possible at the moment, unfortunately. But it would definetly be the change I need. I really appreciate the artsy part of Bucharest. There are so many events that are happening constantly, you can't imagine ! If ever in doubt , and need to clear your head, friendly advice : please go to the theatre.  At least try it,once. See how it feels. You'll eventually come around. 

In this period spent here, I could say I made quite few friends.

That I will definetly miss. A lottle. It's like a little, but instead , a lot. 

The time spent around has made me wonder about my preferences, the way I would like to live, the way I would like to develop my path, the people I would like to be surrounded with.

It's amazing that in such a short time my view changed so much, I am actually surprised that this city makes me feel this good. It's much more lively. It has it's minuses. But I guess we all have ours.

Thank you, Bucharest ! 

See you in a while. 

10 before 22

Dreams coming true.
Moving different places.
Gain focus.
Paperwork.
Learn.
Learn even more.
More paperwork.
(I guess we can't escape from that joy.)
Looking back, wow. Things are going way faster then expected.
Opportunities arise.
Go full international.
Becoming citizen of [earth].
Loving.
Expand memories.
Lose it.
Gain knowledge.
Meeting and understanding reasons.
Building empires.
Building love empires.
Taking care of one's self.
Meet me halfway.

Arms open

''Action speaks louder than words, and a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.''

''Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put your soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood.'' 

Try to greet everybody you meet with open arms. It’s beautiful to remember time spent with great people. And personally, I’ve met few amazing human beings.
The way they acted, the way they spoke, the way we connected. I’ve learned until now that nothing lasts forever. But it’s never too late to be kind, open, warm-hearted, and to listen to your mates. Because that’s basically with what you remain from people. With memories. And what is more beautiful than remembering a person? Their way of being, their stories, their vibe.

Try harder. Try to connect. Don’t be arrogant. You are not and will never be the center of the universe. You can focus on yourself and do the best that you can do, but after all, once in a while, it’s good to listen.

                Because we have so much to learn from each other.

                It’s basically all we have. 

6.6.16 - to me and ya.

Get it on !

Your motivation dear,

   You can do much more than you've ever thought.

   Why be afraid to speak up your mind ? Think, yes, before you do.

   But stop being afraid. Afraid to dissapoint, to disturb, to enjoy.

   We do not have the same flow of ideas. Neither you, nor me.

We exchange perspectives.Open minds.
   You may like chocolate , but I'm a vanilla person, and that's just fine. I do not have anything against it. You can tell me why chocolate is lovely, and maybe I'll learn to enjoy it more.
   Acknowledge yourself, and learn to trust yourself. Because if you don't, then who will ?
Look around. How many mistakes can you actually make by expressing your opinions or feelings? We can't be objective about things that are personal.
   Does the fact that you were wrong matter so much ? How can you actually learn, if not by trying ?      Sometimes it's better to let your ego on a holiday.
So what if you failed today ? It's a brand new day tomorrow. Try again.

And again.

And again.

   Until you get there.

Te scot la un covrig, gagica ?

Acum ca v-am captat atentia, am si eu o intrebare.

 De ce nu mai vorbesc oamenii ?

 - Din seria ,toata lumea e cu tehnologia -

  Ce sa si faci ?

  Adevaru-i ca mie imi place sa ascult. Asa-s eu de firea mea. Stiti cum e , sa fi singur cu tine insuti e pentru cei puternici. Am circumstante atenuante, sunt femeie. Ups. Am folosit un stereotip. Ce urat din partea mea. Sau , oare , facem asta cu totii ?

  Nu, nu , sa terminam cu prostiile, serios, stateam la un birt cu un om drag, si observam cum toti oamenii din jur se binocleaza frate la device-uri !

  Nici in stanga , nici in dreapta, uite pisi ce frumos e afara , au inflorit lalele,dume , chestii , o caprioara,ceva , nimic !

  Treaba-i asta ?

The glorification of busy

“I don’t have time."

      This is an answer most of us heard, atleast once in life. Or much more many times, because time is a 21^st century issue. But I’m not talking about time for business affairs. I’m talking about the time we are investing for our own hearts.

       It’s slightly disappointing to hear this reply as an excuse. But in time I’ve learned that us humans, we are best at excuses. But then, this thing will somehow backfire, if you keep hearing it over and over again, it will backfire on your self-confidence.

"I’m sure (s)he’s too busy to hear me out."

      Plot twist. This backfires even harder.

      Why would you think that ?

      Is this affecting your perception of yourself ? Does it make you feel slightly worthless ?

"Honey, do not try to fit in."

      You're basically in control of your limits. 



Image credits: The persistence of memory - Salvador Dali. 

Nimicuri

Buna,


   A trecut ceva vreme. Ce ai invatat de atunci ?

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   Am invatat ca oamenii sunt liberi. Liberi sa faca ce vrea sufletul lor. Si daca cineva simte nevoia sa interactioneze cu tine, o va face. Si ce e cu atatea prejudecati ?
   Daca vrei sa te manifesti. Nebuneste. Fa-o cum o faci. Fa-o fara sa te gandesti foarte mult. Daca simti ca vrei sa faci asta, fa-o. Pentru binele tau.

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   Suntem putin complicati.Avem nevoie de spatiul nostru.
   Si e perfect normal.

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   Dar te rog eu frumos. Nu incerca sa te ascunzi.
   Asta e frumos la noi, oamenii. Amalgamul de sentimente. Si e amuzant, pentru ca habar n-ai ce sa faci. Nu e ca si cum e ceva ce poti sa controlezi
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   Si te rog, in fiecare zi, aminteste-ti ca tu, tu, cumva, esti important.
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   O seara frumoasa.

First [2016]

   

Ar trebui sa ma gandesc la ce-am facut gresit anterior.Dar nimic nu e defapt gresit. Si stii de ce ? Pentru ca ne schimbam constant.And that's beautiful.

   Ce as vrea ? Sa pot sa am incredere. And damn that's a challenge.

    Am inchis cateva usi, dar asta am simtit ca e ceea ce trebuie sa fac la momentul respectiv.

    2015 a fost o avalansa de sentimente,uneori,contradictorii. Dar asa sunt eu.

  Vreau sa vad mai multe locuri ! Si sa cunosc oameni ! Oamenii, asa de dificili cum suntem uneori, suntem defapt atat de frumosi. Si am cunoscut atatia oameni frumosi and damn I'm so happy for that and I thank you. 

  Si cumva, simt ca am lasat o mica parte din mine in sufletul oamenilor pe care i-am cunoscut (sper sa fie de bine)

  [Am incheiat anul putin gol] Nu, nu e chiar asa. Sau?

  Dificili.

  Imi pare rau.

  Imi pare rau pentru lucrurile pe care trebuia sa le fi zis la momentul respectiv. Dar nu am puterea sa dau timpul inapoi. [Din pacate, poate , intr-o zi]

  For you : 

        You are beautiful. And you got so much love to give. Don't ever let anyone tell you something else.Don't believe it if it happens.You deserve best.

[Nowihavetoconvincemyselfofthat]

Post-it [1]

4.12
2.
N(n+1,n+2)
Variabile cu esenta comuna.
Indiferent de cine, ce, cum, un sentiment va ramane. Nu e nimic mai frumos decat -a darui timp-. Respira, bucura-te. Nu o sa-l mai primesti inapoi. But that's the beauty of it. Azi, maine, poimaine. Trec. Cu ce ramai? Cu toate ca probabil am dezamagit si eu la randul meu, ce vreau, e sa-ti aduci aminte vibe-ul fain, de-odata. Si sa nu-l uiti vreoeata. Sau uita-l, dar nu uita de unde a venit. Niciodata.

X

  This is for you , if you think I dissapointed.
  Truth is , all I wanted is to let you be. Enjoy the things you never had , because of certain obstacles , you know , I never actually wanted to be one.
  I'm just leaving parts of myself here and there, hoping , one day , when you'll think of me, you'll have a good vibe. I've always wanted to make people enjoy the time they spent around.
  But this isn't the case , and the feeling , the feeling somehow was wrongly interpreted. That's the thing about us , humans.
  We interpret, expect, and forget the good things. We focus on awkward moments and let the good times dissapear. This is not a thing you need to focus too much on. Just some thoughts on a virtual paper that I will virtually burn, because the things, that I write right now,  are my thoughts in a certain moment in time, time that doesen't actually exist.
  And you say I'm a jedi , and I play mind-games. Oh , so naive. I don't let people offend me,got me right here.
  I don't let people get to me.
  Not anymore.
  I don't accept such kind of offers, because the kid over here,  the kid dissapeared. Oh so troubled.      Unfortunately, no expectations are here to be found. And expectations, or plans, or anything regarding that - it scares me.
  Maybe one day you'll understand, that, all I really wanted, is for you to be happy.

Forward [monologue]

Have you ever had a dream ?

What do  you want to be when you grow up ?

Or , who do you want to be ?


Improve quality. Quantity isn't literally nothing. You , little one , have to learn to enjoy the little things.Because nothing is ever more important than enjoying a bit of time alone. Some quality time with the people that matter.

People. You need to learn lots about them. You need to learn to enjoy them without bounds. People, maybe you're still a kid. Or maybe you've grown up and forgot to enjoy them.To trust them. Let me tell you something little one :

People, they all are beautiful in their own way. But for you to see that , you have to understand. And understanding , understanding takes time. Do you have the time ?

I always dissaproved of the concept of not having enough time. You have just about as much time as you actually want to give. You shouldn't have time for excuses though.

Instead of excusing yourself , you should always be honest. Because ain't nobody got time to lose. Not you, nor me.

There are some basics principles I rely on. I think everybody has their own thing. Listen up , not entirely with the ears, but open your heart too. Yes , yes, you are untouchable and limitless. Remember a thing little one : the one you can always count on is yourself. Now , don't become too egocentric. Enjoy your time with others. Because , we all have something to share with others.

You know what I wish for you little one ? To find the ones willing to listen.

Up ; up

Those things you take for granted.

They're not yours to take.

Because nothing lasts forever. So , you can't actually take anything.

The only things , memories.

They'll be carved somehow , in your soul , forever.

And what is more precious then your soul ?

Enjoy the little things.

Transfer knowledge.

Learn , every day ; open up and hear the lesson.

Grow.

"Like as the waves make towards the pebbl'd shore, so do our minutes, hasten to their end"

Furtuna de nisip.

A picat semnalul. Peste tot. Ai vrea sa suni dar nu poti. Defapt nu e nimeni la capatul celalalt al liniei. Si-atunci? Defapt , it's a single player game. Ok, ok. Si-atunci?  Ar trebui sa imi para bine sau...? Dar daca esti putin empatic ce faci? Daca esti putin empatic, dar te tratezi, intrerupi tu semnalul. Poate nu e bine sa ajunga nimeni la tine. Da, chiar cred asta. Tot ceea ce poti sa faci , e sa fii deschis. Dar inlaturi conexiuni. Poate nu face atat de mult sens acum. Dar defapt stii ca face. Bucura-te de lucrurile mici, acelea conteaza. Si sa nu uiti niciodata de tine, in primul rand.

Flowing

You reap what you sow.

How can a human being preach to another human being to let a bit go of themselves , and the same preacher advise another one , who is at the 'let go''level to relax ?

Aren't we a bit , hyprocrite ?

The thing is , I don't really take into consideration preaching. I just am. I do have moral values , even emotional values. But ,''at the moment , the number you're trying to reach is disconnected" , please try again later. Or just , stop trying. Cause it never works that way. It never works if you are overthinking it. If it doesen't feel right , and you don't feel comfortable in a certain situation which you've experienced before , stop. 

Don't put on hold things that are not useful for your personal being. Announce, and leave.

Sometimes, the things you do , they explain the way you are.

The way you was.

The way you've been hurt.

The way you're hurting.

...and , in the end , it's a sum of your soul. 

You find out what makes you , yourself.

21/04 (minus)

Cand credeai ca totul e pentru totdeauna, vine acea zi. Acea zi in care realizezi ca niciodata nu ar trebui sa spui niciodata...si niciodata sa nu spui pentru totdeauna. Suntem si noi efemeri, pana la urma urmei. Uita-te in oglinda. Esti cel de ieri? Cel de ieri, mai conteaza? Da, suntem oameni si constiinta nu ne permite sa eradicam totalmente conceptul de ieri sau mâine, ca deh, totul ar fi asa simplu. Dar daca e ? De ce sa nu ...fii? De ieri? De mâine. Da, am motivele mele sa scriu asta azi. Pentru că ieri. Dar promit, mie îmi promit în primul rând că ieri a fost frumos, dar e și mai frumos să fie totul în crescendo. Să simți fără să analizezi foarte mult. De la perfecționist la perfecționist, mi-e greu , nu să spun asta, ci să o fac. Pentru că noi, cei care ne punem mult prea multe semne de întrebare....suntem puțini mult prea umani. Nu e un lucru rău. Deloc. Doar că....daca ar fi azi sa fie ieri, îmi cer scuze pentru toate lucrurile pe care nu le-am făcut când am simțit." To live and let live". For all of us. 

As busy as you wish.

"And along with indifference to space, there was an even more 
complete indifference to time. "There seems to be plenty of it", was all I would answer when the investigator asked me to say what I felt about time. Plenty of it, but exactly how much was entirely irrelevant. I could, of course, have looked at my watch but my watch I knew was in another universe. My actual experience had been, was still, of an indefinite duration. Or alternatively, of a perpetual present made up of one continually changing apocalypse.” 
― A. Huxley, The Doors of Perception ; Heaven and Hell

  Why is time relative, people's perception about time is in a constant change,and this can be explained in a logical and rational matter.
  You need to abandon the idea that there is a universal time shared by everything. Time is simply what clocks measure. But clocks are physical objects that exist in the universe, not some eternal transcendent timekeeper that lives outside the universe. (And by 'clock' I mean anything clock-like such as a vibrating atom or an hour glass.)
  Speed is the ratio of space to time. If space and time are absolute, then the speed of light must be relative, depending upon the speed of the observer. The speed of light is absolute and does not depend upon the speed of the observer, therefore, either space or time must be relative. A more detailed algebraic calculation will show that both must be relative.
  I'm trying to make a point , being no physicist , people are always in a time awareness state. And mostly do not have time for certain things , well, lemme' tell ya a secret. You have the time you wish to spend to do a certain thing. You have all the time in the universe. If you really want to spend your time doing a thing , you certainly have the time. Don't drown yourself in illusions. Just be honest with yourself. Do you have the time to do that ?

Ashes to ashes.

What day is it ?

  Today is the day you'll let go of the past. It's not that you rather want to, but you need to. One should not ever focus on the past. Because it'll drag your mother fucking ass down. And there's nothing left about it. It's not like you could go left where nothing's right , or right , where nothing's left. 

  You focus so much on other's potential that you truly forget about yours. And it's your time to shine. The nice people , well , they are always somehow left behind. But that case has rested. How can you even focus on others when your soul is incomplete ?

............................................................................................................................................................

 I've been upside down, I don't wanna be the right way 'round , can't find paradise on the ground.All we do is play it safe.Live inside a cage. Break free human.

..........................................................................................................................................................

 An old friend recently told me that I'm not currently myself. How do you even ? When your life is revolving around others, you can't really define yourself. You don't get to know your own boundaries.It's totally debatable , if you want your life to revolve or not around other people. But recently I've figured that even though we need the feeling of belonging somewhere....we're searching in the wrong places, most of the times.

  One shouldn't even try to replace the blank spaces.

  You don't just go for a refill.

  Grow. (not as in , grow up. that's a trap. just,learn to harvest your soul)

  Discover yourself. Your true self. Not what others want you to be.

  Then love.

  Because nothing can describe that feeling. It shouldn't be described. Love everything you do, love the people around you. Give your best. Don't fuss. Learn to accept that you can't control everything that is happening to you , and that it all eventually happens for a reason, for growth.

  

.........................................................................................................................................

  Once upon a time , she turned to ashes. And the phoenix arrived.

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Scrie-ti propria carte.

  Inca un an e aproape gata. Inca un capitol s-a incheiat. 

  As vrea sa scriu restul cartii din calatorii. Voluntariate. Petreceri . Experiente.

  

  Sa pot sa aduc o contributie cat de mica , vis-a-vis de interconexiunea umana. Un zambet. O lacrima.O lectie.

  Sa dobandesc cunostiinte pe care pana acum le-am pasat.

  Si nu , aceasta nu e o postare de 'an nou , viata noua'. Pentru ca nu e niciodata asa. Oamenii trec prin schimbari constante , care ajung sa le defineasca personalitatea. Asta daca nu sunt usor influentabili. A fi maleabil e pacat. Pentru ca trebuie sa ai punctul tau de vedere , propriile principii si vise.

  Daca chiar doresti sa faci ceva. Fa-o ! Nu te uita inapoi , sa nu-ti pese de parerile celorlalti. Pentru ca daca acel lucru e ceea ce te face sa te simti bine , ce mai conteaza ? In limite legale , evident. Daca te taie capul sa pleci unde vezi cu ochii , pleaca. Daca de asta are nevoie sufletul tau sa-si recapete echilibrul , da-i bataie. Nu te uita inapoi.

  Daca crezi ca locul tau nu e intr-o corporatie , nu o lua in directia aceea. Da , capitalismul e un adevar crancen , dar exista alternative.

  Vrei sa locuiesti intr-o cabana la munte ? Du-te. Vrei sa locuiesti pe o plaja , alaturi de valuri si carti? Cine te opreste ? 

  Aceasta nu e o strategie de marketing. Poti sa faci tot ceea ce visezi. Tot ceea ce iti propui. Da , trebuie sa tragi de tine pentru asta. Dar se poate. Orice ai face , nu intra in hora , nu te abate de la targetul propus.

  Gandeste pentru tine.

  Viseaza pentru tine.

 Dar nu uita sa comunici.

Midnight feels.

  Oh dear lover.
  Whoever you are.Wherever you are.
  Human beings fascinate me. We are all a little piece of heaven , waiting to uncover ourselves. Our sins. Our happiness. Our happy endings.
  We are here , now. And that is all that matters. Won't think about the past , slightly stopping myself from thinking about the future. Because the present is all that matters.
  We have so much to learn from eachother. About our characters, about potentials. Every human being is beautiful , even though we are the humans that destroyed the beauty that surrounded us. That is what we need to recover. We don't need money. We don't need fame. We need to see beyond all the things that society brings forward. We need to see our inner beauty.
  We need to love. Our own selves , the people that are near, and mother nature.
  How do we get there ? How do we get past the routine ?
  We are surrounded by ideas , but we can't find our own. We don't dare to raise our voice. Is that a cause of fear ? Why do we let fear getting in the way of our own lives. What is fear ? Fear of thinking , fear of being called insane , fear of stepping out of the crowd ?
  But what does the crowd have to offer ?
  Think that if you march with them , you get something ? No , you get in the point of no return. You get old, looking in a mirror , and wonder "What have I done with my life?". And then you look back. You see it. The crowd. But you can't see yourself.
  Where were you all these years honey ? Where are all the dreams you had ?
  Thought a new car would make you happy ? Or a new place to live will bring you joy ? I'm sorry about you , because you left your heart out.
  The things that will make you truly happy are the moments you spent with other people. Talking and listening. Personally , I'm a listener.
  So dear you , whoever you are , wherever you are. If you need somebody to listen , I'm here. Because we all need to be listened.

Facultate [?]

   Gandeste-te la facultate ca o aprofundare a trecutului.
   Noi suntem cei care proiecteaza viitorul. In teorie , omule , cand ti-ai scris lucrarea de doctorat ar trebui sa ai ceva de spus despre lumea in care traim. Ar trebui , daca n-ai reusit pana atunci , sa contribui si tu.
   Foloseste inteligenta in locul capitalului. Suntem cu totii capabili sa ne folosim ideile noastre.Cu totii avem idei pentru a face o lume mai buna. Doar ca putin indivizi sunt cei care chiar incearca sa profite de aceasta capacitate.
    Nu iti place nici aceasta abordare ?
   Atunci hai sa reflectam asupra facultatii ca un mecanism de PR. Daca nu iti prea plac cursurile , priveste partea buna : iti faci noi cunostiinte. Aveti posibilitatea sa va organizati sa faceti o schimbare. Puteti sa contribuiti atat la dezvoltarea comunitatii cat si la propria dezvoltare. Doar interactionand unii cu altii vom putea ajunge undeva. Lasati cateva ore facebookul si iesiti si schimbati idei.
   Cititi. Se intampla un miliard de lucruri importante pe planeta. Sunt o multime de chestiuni vis-a-vis de trecut pe care nu le stim, o multime de, ar spune unii , teorii , ideologii care tin cat de cat de cultura generala.
   Sau....v-ati obisnuit a face parte din masa ? Da , fiecare dintre noi are nevoie de timp liber, de spatiu personal , dar asta nu justifica inaportul cu care "contribuim".
   Fenomenul globalizarii nu face altceva decat sa ne transforme in roboti consumatori. Poate sunt eu naiva , dar nu consider ca asta e scopul nostru pe aceasta planeta.